Posted On June 10, 2015
In Psalm 42 David says, “My soul thirsts for God,” and then he adds, “For the Living God!” He does not long for an idea of God or an uninvolved God. He wants the God who is living and active and presently involved with him. Connected and loving, in ways that matter to both God and David.
When that phrase came to mind — in ways that matter — my mind jumped to a theme that has been with me most of my life. For the first 34 years, I wondered if I mattered at all in any way; whether the universe would be any different if I did not exist. I could not find my place or my meaning for existence. I cannot say for sure why it matters so much to matter, but it does. I need to have an impact on the planet somewhere, somehow. Otherwise, I might as well not be.
I was so depressed the first half of my life, it never occurred to me that I mattered to my sons until they grew up and became more independent. That is tragic in so many ways — I cannot say how many times I have gone to God with my grief over that. To matter and not even know it is tragic. Because it changes who we are and who we endeavor to be.
I also matter to God in ways I do not see or know. He has made a place for me in His Kingdom. And I serve a purpose there for becoming an honorable child of His and growing up in His grace and love, and in becoming an overflowing vessel offering His life to others. As a child of God, I have an awesome, holy call on my life — to be and become who God intends for me to be. And to become a part of His Divine Conspiracy to overthrow evil with good.
I matter. And it matters that I matter.